We should stop looking for self-worth in metrics outside of ourselves.
A metric is a term used to describe something we use to measure how well we are doing. Common self-worth metrics for many people in today’s world include: Instagram likes, revenue, salary, job title, GPA.
The list goes on and on.
These metrics aren’t evil things. They are part of the reality we live in. Metrics are important, and you have your own metrics for the goals you want to achieve.
The problem with these metrics arises when you attach your sense of self-worth to them. Metrics like these are outside yourself.
What we should be focusing on more are our internal metrics.
Are you a good person?
Are you helping others?
Are you doing your best?
These are the types of questions we should be asking ourselves more on a daily basis.
These things are completely in our control, and in terms of looking for validation and feelings of self-worth, we should be focusing on things we can control.
The world is set up for us to attach our sense of self worth to external metrics. Whether it’s comparing the number of likes, the brand name of your clothes, the shape of your hair, these types of metrics won’t ever bring you true, deep, long lasting happiness.
I’ve learned this from my own experiences of struggling to find inner peace. I catch myself thinking about things like instagram followers, website visits, number of clients, etc. on an almost daily basis.
This morning I woke up feeling a need to rush and do. I felt like I needed to jump out of bed, get my routine in so that I could start working, so I could create content, so I could publish a blog post, so I could help someone, so I could help grow my business, so I could continue the cycle of chasing my goals.
Do you see how much of a rabit hole that can be? In that moment, I was acting with a complete focus on the future.That type of thinking has no end in sight. It’s an endless treadmill of dull dissatisfaction.
That’s where, this morning, my routine saved me.
Through meditation, breath work, journaling, and movement I created the opportunity to re-frame my thinking.
While I woke up in a reactive mode of thinking, my routine gave me the space to think and decide how I wanted my day to go. I decided I wanted to have an amazing day, and I realized that part of having an awesome day would be to live with a feeling like I was on the right path. Like I was exactly where I needed to be.
The feelings I decided I want to feel, like I was exactly where I needed to be, were very different feeling of being on that endless hamster wheel (how I felt when I woke up).
That’s when it hit me. In that moment, the blog post readers didn’t matter. The timeline of business growth wasn’t important. Instagram followers didn’t matter.
These are some of my business metrics, but in that moment I realized that those weren’t self-worth metrics.
What matters more is whether or not I feel like I’m a good person. Whether or not I’m trying to help others. Whether or not I’m doing my best.
I could answer yes to all of those questions, and once I did, I felt a huge wave of relief come over me.
Life isn’t just about the physical things we build or own. That stuff won’t matter at the end of the road. What will matter more is whether we did our best, whether we contributed, whether we helped others.
The point of life is to feel good and to do good. That’s what we’re all running around doing. We’re chasing feelings. We want to feel pleasure and we want to avoid pain.
The secret is that those good feelings aren’t lying in the physical things outside ourselves. Those feelings are within, and they come down to a sense of contribution in self worth.
Today, if you find yourself on the hamster wheel of future-focused thoughts about whatever you’re worried about, realize that those thoughts might be causing you pain. In these moments, I invite you to ask yourself those three questions:
Am I a good person?
Am I helping others?
Am I doing my best?
Take a deep breath. Know that this moment is precious and that it holds the opportunity to feel those amazing feelings you’re planning to find in the future. The future is a mystery, the past is history, and the present is a gift. Make the most of it!