#64 - A Healthy Relationship With Social Media

Social Media came upon us quicker than a strike of lightning.

In what felt like the flash of an instant, the nature of social dynamics shifted.

The shift to social media has been and is, for many people, a challenge.

I am one of those people.

As an introvert who used to be quite shy when it comes to presenting myself to the world, social media was a huge challenge for me.

I used to get so much stress about it.

Should I post that picture? What should I make the caption? Will people like this? Who am I to post something?

Questions like these, and many more, used to plague me. They took away from my happiness.

As I began to pursue a path towards mental freedom 7 years ago, I quickly realized that social media was a growth opportunity for me.

And over those 7 years, I have been gradually working on building a healthier relationship with social media.

Improving my relationship has consisted of many steps, including looking deep into my insecurities and beliefs about myself (which is where most of the pain I was experiencing stemmed from).

I’m still working on these things, but my relationship with social media has improved significantly.

And I’m still working on it. One of my big goals for 2019 is to develop a healthy relationship with social media.

So recently, I’ve been thinking about what that means and how to do it. Here are some thoughts off the top of my head.

How to develop a healthy relationship with social media:

Be Authentic: First, discover who you are and what you’re all about. Once you discover what you are about, then you care less about posting to impress other people. You can be about anything. You can be about your friends. You can be about reading. You can be about a mix of tons of different things. The key is to figure out who you are. You don’t need a perfect definition, you just need to pay attention to what you’re interested in and ask yourself before you’re posting: “Am I really about this”?

Build a tribe: Part of the reason why social media gets annoying is because of how “noisy” it is. There are so many different people shouting so many different things. This can feel overwhelming, so rather than trying to pay attention to what EVERYONE is saying, build a tribe of people/accounts who you genuinely get joy from interacting with.

Unfollow: In order to build a tribe, you need to pay less attention to things that you aren’t interested in. Otherwise, you can’t give your tribes the attention it needs to fulfill you. So do the thing that feels uncomfortable: unfollow things that don’t matter to you. Obviously, keep critical social dynamics in mind. If you don’t like your roommate but don’t want to disturb the peace, maybe it’s best to keep following them while you live together. I think you get the point.

Engage with the community: Just like you, every single person wants to be seen. The most generous gift you can give to someone on social media is to see them. To engage with them when they put themselves out there. Comment on other people’s posts. Ask questions. When you do, you’re supporting someone else and helping to make social media a community space.

I hope you enjoy developing a healthy relationship with social media. If you have any more tips, send them to me on Instagram or post in the comments below!



#63 - Happiness = Pursuing Good Goals

What does is mean to be happy?

There are lots of different ways to go about this question.

This question has a different answer for every person, because we are all unique.

We all share the same basic human needs, but each of us has a different makeup for which needs are more important to us feeling good.

Therefore, there’s no one size fits all.

With that said, there’s one thing I’m certain will make you happy (and successful):

The Pursuit of Good Goals

It’s up to you to define what “Good Goals” means.

For me, it means goals that allow you to a) live your best life and b) positively impact other people.

Pursuing good goals has a two-fold effect to produce happiness and success.

First, in the focused pursuit of a goal, you lose yourself.

What do you mean, you lose yourself?

I mean you become so concentrated on something that, for brief intervals of time, you are able to not be consumed by the thoughts in your head.

Have you ever been working on something you want to finish, and completely lost track of time because you were so focused?

That’s what I’m talking about.

That state of being, where you lose track of time in complete immersion, is called a flow state.

As it turns out, flow states are one of the most joyful states we can experience as humans.

Second, in the pursuit of a “good goal”, along with the joy of getting lost in the process, doing so creates outcomes that leads to your success and fulfillment!

So along with experiencing the joy of the process (flow state), you then get the compound effect of enjoying the results once you achieve your goals.

That is my definition of success.

Being engaged in flow states as you pursue goals that lead to success and fulfillment.

I’ll leave you with two questions to chew on:

  1. What goals are you moving towards, and do they meet your “good goals” standard?

  2. How can you create more flow in the process?

I hope you enjoy making focused progress towards creating your success.



#62 - Use Empathy for that Person who Bothers You

Is there someone in your life who’s opinion/perspective consistently upsets you?

Whether it’s a family member, a friend, or a colleague, we all meet people in life that are different from us.

These differences naturally make us want to avoid these types of people.

Because being around people we’re different from is painful.

But it can also be healthy, because it’s good to challenge our own perspectives.

Everyone has something to teach you

The question is, how do I develop a relationship with someone who I’m different from?

And the answer, or at least part of it, is empathy.

What exactly is empathy?

Empathy is defined as “the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another”.

It’s our ability to put ourselves in the shoes of someone else.

When you use empathy to put yourself into the shoes of the person who is different from you, and really think about the beliefs this person has, and try to see the world from their perspective for a minute, it temporarily suspends the normal reality you live in.

This can help you understand this other person, which makes it easier to relate to them, even if you have major differences.

An example of this is my brother and I.

We differ in perspective on a number of fundamental things in life.

And this makes it hard for us to get along.

For many years, I saw his perspective as wrong and mine as right.

Recently, however, I have come to shift my perspective.

I see his beliefs as his truth, and mine as my truth.

Rather than focus on how annoying his perspective is to me, I’m trying to use empathy to understand where he’s coming from. To feel what it feels like to be him.

And so far, it’s much more fun to go about life this way then to be upset about the differences I have with him.

The following four questions, which I learned from Seth Godin’s Marketing Seminar, are helpful tools for increasing empathy:

What does this person believe that you don’t believe?

What do they see that you don’t see?

What do they want that you don’t want?

What do they care about that you don’t care about?

I invite you to write about the person who’s different from you using these prompts. If you learn anything, I’d love to hear from you about what you learned!



#61 - Find Joy in Others’ Joy

Want more joy in your life?

Start hacking it.

How do you hack joy?

You learn to understand it.

Then, you use your brain to create more opportunities for joy to arise.

What does this mean?

This means that joy is like an equation. It arises when you have the proper variables in place.

There are lots of different variables that can add up to = joy.

Here’s the cool thing: you can control at least some of these variables.

One of the variables I’ve been experimenting with lately is looking for joy in someone else’s joy.

You can literally ride the wave of someone else’s joy.

Here’s an example:

On Friday I was snowboarding in the woods with my friend Conor. It had snowed a foot the night before, and the snow was great.

There came a point where I found an incredible patch of untouched snow. It was an amazing line. And just before I set off to ski it up, I paused.

“Yo Conor!” I said. He was 30 feet behind me.

“What’s up?”

“There’s an epic line right here brotha. Come rip it I, I want to see you shredding!”

So down went Conor, shredding the perfect line.

And when I asked him how it was, he said this.

“That was the best line of the day!!”

He was STOKED. He was so happy. And I was too. I gave him the line, and then I made an effort to enjoy his joy.

And it made me feel great.

In thinking about happiness, it’s important to remember it’s not all about us.

The joy we give is the joy we get.

Keep giving!



#60 - Build Your Life Resume

Everyone talks about building you career resume.

What about your life resume? 

The resume of experiences you’ll look back on when you’re on your death bed.

Whats one life resume item you want to accomplish this year? 

Plan it. By the ticket. Make it happen. 



#59 - Feeling Stuck? Read This

Feeling stuck in your life or career is a terrible feeling.

It feels hopeless. It feels depressing. It drains your energy. It makes you sad.

It’s hard to face each day when you feel stuck. It lacks meaning.

As humans, we’re wired to search for meaning in our lives. When life feels meaningless, it feels like a part of you is dying each day.

Hence the title “soul-sucking job”.

Want to know some good news?

You don’t need to feel terrible in your situation. You can learn to shift your perspective to find more joy in your situation.

This comes down to mind state. By monitoring and influencing the thoughts you have, you change the emotional experience you have.

So that terrible feeling you have about feeling trapped isn’t just because of the situation you’re in.

It’s also because of you, and the thoughts you have each day.

Many people hop from one thing to the next, thinking that’s going to be the solution. But many times, these people find the same problems everywhere they go.

And this is because the problem isn’t only external. Yes, they may not have the perfect job, but in reality, no job is going to be perfect. No partner is going to be perfect. Nothing external is going to be perfect.

Unless you perfect your internal game.

It’s not something to be perfected, but rather developed. You improve your capacity to deal with uncomfortable situations, and then they get less painful.

At the same time, it is absolutely true that your external environment influences you. It does to a critical degree. So sometimes, a change is absolutely necessary.

But change is hard to map out, and if you want to make a change with the highest degree of success, I recommend figuring out exactly what you want.

Once you clarify your vision for where you’re going, you can then start making progress to get there.

In my coaching process, defining your vision of success is the first thing we do because without a target, you can’t hit a bullseye.

And guess what?

You deserve to hit your bullseye. Your bullseye matters. It doesn’t just matter to you. The World needs YOUR bullseye.

In sum:

  1. Manage your mindstate to reduce your suffering. Don’t do yourself the disservice of negative thinking, because it spirals and makes you feel terrible.

  2. Start to think about your vision of success. What does that look like? What would a bullseye be for you? Don’t hold back. You deserve exactly what you want.

  3. Smile. Right now. Because this is where life is. In the present moment. This is where it always is. And the whole point of life is to be here, now.



#58 - How to Ask Good Questions

The most powerful tool you have as a human are your questions.

Good questions are the key to good conversation. Naturally, therefore, good questions are one of the keys to being a top notch coach.

What makes a question good?

It depends on the context.

In coaching or general conversation, good questions are open-ended. They’re exploratory. They create the opportunity for someone to think and reflect.

Unlike questions that have a clear answer, open-ended questions give people the chance to think and talk about their thoughts.

And it’s in that process that insights are uncovered.

And that’s how, as a coach, you help someone reach a breakthrough that allows someone to reach the next level of success. You help them uncover the insights for themselves.

Through question asking.

Here are three provocative questions the legendary coach Rich Litvin recommends we explore as coaches:

  1. What are you tolerating?

  2. What do you want?

  3. What else?



# 57 - BE ALL IN

Personal Development isn’t for everyone.

But for some people, it is the single most important thing to them living their best life.

These people know pain. These people are frustrated with their lives. These people know there’s something greater to be experienced in life than their current reality.

Are you one of these people?

If so, welcome to the tribe my friend.

For about 18 years I struggled with a painful reality. While there were plenty of wonderful moments, my day to day life felt unfulfilling. On top of the unfulfillment, there was some deep down feeling that there was a better way out there. A better way to live life.

Now, 7 years later, I’m here to tell you that there IS a better way to life. There IS more joy to be experienced. Life CAN feel amazing starting the moment you wake up in the morning.

I’ve transformed my life over the last 7 years from a place of pain to absolute freedom/joy, and now it’s my mission to help others to do the same (that’s what I do in my coaching, by the way).

You might be asking, “Okay, Chip….Let’s f***ing do this. Where do I start?”

You start with a commitment to believe in the potential of your own personal development.

Then, you follow that with a commitment to be all-in on making that change happen in yourself

Being all in means that you develop a mind state that your capacity for change is unlimited. You also take on responsibility for making that change happen. Being all in means becoming obsessed with creating the change you want.

Half-assing personal development, on the other hand, won’t get you there.

Half-assing means that you want the results, but you aren’t really committed to doing the work.

Half-assing could also mean that you want to change, but you’re not willing to consider the possibility that you can actually achieve everything you want.

Half-assing means you aren’t actually obsessed with making a change. It’s a nice to have, not a need to have.

When it comes to personal development, you must be all in if you want results.

So, what’ll it be?



#56 - Success Begins Within

There’s a common misconception about success floating around.

It goes like this: success comes from doing more.

Doing more, taking massive action, is certainly a core pillar of success.

But it’s not everything.

Not even close.

Doing more is not always better or smarter.

Hence the expression “work smarter, not harder”

Okay Chip, how do I work smarter?

In terms of achieving success, you would be smarter to combine doing more WITH being in a better state!

What do you mean by a better state, and why is that important?

Your state is the energetic and emotional frequency you’re carrying in any given moment.

These days, most people are living in a state of stress and fear (versus a state of calm, excitement, and love for example).

What do you think happens when youre doing things in a state of stress and fear?

You create outcomes that match up with your frequency.

So if you want to create a certain outcome, start by getting your emotional and energetic frequency in an amazing state.

Take a moment to do this right now. Once of the best ways to do this is gratitude. All you have to do is think about a couple things you’re grateful for. It’s like starting the gratitude engine in your brain!

By doing this first, then combining this with action, you will achieve what you want faster and with more enjoyment.

Your being is equally as important as your doing. If you don’t have both, you can’t achieve your full potential.



#55 - I See You!

Can you see me?

This is the fundamental question our brains are asking the world at all times.

Human beings want to be seen. It’s a part of our DNA.

It’s one of the reasons why social media is so popular - it gives people a vehicle to feel seen.

That’s why there seems to be a longing to post and have others like our stuff - it makes us feel seen.

But getting caught up in the endless pursuit of being seen won’t necessarily get you, or your business, where you want to be.


Because everyone else also wants to be seen, too.

It’s a beautiful idea to live in a world where people feel both seen, and they see others.

One part that’s often missing in our lives, though, is the act of seeing others.

Want to know the best part of all? When we start to see others, we send out a ripple effect.

And eventually that ripple comes back to you.

We all want to be seen. Start by seeing others more and you just might find those feelings of connection you’re looking for.

With love,


#54 - Selfless Learning

As humans, we are wired to see ourselves as the center of the universe.

It feels like the world revolves around us. We think mostly in terms of “me” and “I”.

This isn’t a bad thing. It’s just the way we are. But, like all things, it does have consequences.

When it comes to learning, it’s easy to fall into this same mind set.  And it can become a trap.

If you want to learn something new, but you’re only focused on learning that is coming your way, you’re missing a huge slice of the pie: the opportunity to learn by helping others learn.

They say that the best way to learn is to teach something. I think there’s truth to that.

I just started Seth Godin’sThe Marketing Seminar”, which is an online seminar with thousands of people who are all learning from Seth and each other about how to become better marketers with the goal of spreading work that matters.

This concept of learning by contributing to others is something I’ve learned from this seminar, and something I’m now trying to put into practice.

There are opportunities to learn each day. And it’s not only inbound learning that you grow from (I.e receiving new ideas).

The outbound learning (I.e engaging others in conversation, maybe even trying to help them solve their challenges), also yields valuable learning opportunities.

Look out today for those opportunities to learn by engaging on the topics of what other people are working on.

You might be surprised at what you learn.

With Love,


#53 - Want Success? Then Define it

Everyone wants success in life, but few people become extremely successful.

Why is this?

What separates the people who become insanely successful from those who don’t?

The Separation comes from people who create a crystal clear vision of success for themselves.

These people develop a crystal clear image in their head of exactly what they want, and then they think about that vision constantly.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, for example, early in his career used to visualize himself standing on stage holding the trophy as the World Body Building champion long before he actually won.

It doesn’t matter what your vision of success is. If you know exactly where you want to go, and you check in on that vision daily, you will start making rapid progress to get there.

The American poet Christopher Morley once said “there is only one success: to be able to live life in your own way”. I couldn’t agree more.

Do you want to live your own way?

If so, get clear on what that means to you.

The clearer you get, and the more you think about it, the faster you’ll arrive there.

Define success. See it clearly. Revisit this vision often.

What’s a process I can follow to do this daily?

  1. Define your vision of success by writing it down and creating a clear mental picture.
  2. Come up with a short list of goals that will move you closer towards this vision.
  3. At the start of every day, write down your goals in the first person. So if your goal is to make a million dollars this year, you write “I am making a million dollars this year”.
  4. At the end of the day, look at your goals and spend a few minutes analyzing your progress and thinking about how you could have done better.

That entire process doesn’t need to take more than 5 minutes total of your day.

If you follow this process, you will become successful. But you must be dedicated and disciplined.

Commit to your success. We all want to see you get there!

With Love,


#52 - Control Your Focus, Create Your Success

Success in life depends on your ability to do one thing.Focus!
Whether or not you realize it, you are creating your future in every moment on a neurological level by what you focus on!
Whatever images you are holding in your mind, whatever thoughts you are thinking, your brain subconsciously notes and then tries to create that reality for you!
Thus, if you’re focused on the miserable situation you feel stuck in, your brain is going to subconsciously manifest more of that misery.
If you’re thinking about how you don’t want to lose your job, your brain will be subconsciously trying to create a reality where you lose your job.
Most people never master this universal law, and they spend their lives focused on things they don’t want.
They spend their life’s unconsciously creating outcomes they don’t truly desire!
The most successful people, on the other hand, control their focus and hone in on the things they want!
Understanding this law can completely change your life. It did for me.
For the first 24 years of my life I spent the majority of my time unconsciously focused on the things I  didn’t want.
Ever since I made that chance to focus on the things I do want, everything has changed and I’m creating a life much more in line with what I actually want! 
So my advice is this: be on guard of your mind! Be on guard of your focus!
It’s your most precious asset, because it is your future.
With love,

#51 - Opportunity Comes Disguised as Work

Thomas Edison once said “opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like hard work”.

Hard work and opportunities go hand in hand. When you work harder, you set yourself up for more opportunities.

Sometimes, as Edison notes, the hard work is the opportunity itself. You are presented with opportunities that come in the form of work.

Most people see what looks like work and get a visceral negative reaction to it. This reaction, then, leads them to avoid the opportunity or to do the work with minimal effort.

A few people, on the other hand, condition their brains to see working hard as something that excites them.

If you want to get excited about hard work, you have to train your brain to be that way.

This brain training is a key to success that is seldom talked about.

It’s a mind state shift from viewing work as painful to viewing it as pleasurable.

Don’t view hard work as a bad thing you should run from. Get excited about it!

Getting excited about an opportunity you can’t yet see takes massive faith.

And it will make all the difference.

With Love,


#50 - Managing Strained Relationships

Relationships (friendly or romantic), while the source of immense joy most of the time, are at other times difficult to manage.

This is because managing relationships well can be a complex feat. Humans are complex, and each individual is different.

Due to our differences, it’s easy for us to do things or act in certain ways that occasionally rub someone the wrong way.

Once you’ve rubbed someone the wrong way, if you’re not careful that relationship strain can spiral downwards.

So how do you prevent the spiral?

It’s simple. You choose love over fear.

Once a relationship is strained, it’s easy to let fear dictate your actions.

Even fear that seems to be well-intentioned (like fear that you’ll lose that friendship) drives you to behave as if your fears are a reality.

Instead of acting out of fear, the quickest way to heal a strained relationship is to act as if your desired reality is already happening.

AKA you act as if there’s no strain in the relationship. This alone might heal things up, but even if it doesn’t, it creates inside of you an energy of love.

And that energy of love is healing no matter what. Fear, on the other hand, will tear things down.

Keep choosing love.

With love,


#49 - Make Today your Best Yet

If you could make today your best day yet, would you do it? For many years, I thought this kind of thing was out of my control.
I thought good days simply happened to me on rare occasions.
This is not true! Good days don’t just happen to us. We create them!
If you want to gain more control over how enjoyable your day is, and ultimately gain the power to make any day your best day yet, I recommend trying out these three steps:
1. Know the feelings you want to feel, then visualize yourself feeling them. The stronger the feelings you can cultivate, the better. By doing this, you experience those good feelings using the power of your mind, and those feelings will carry over into other parts of your day.
2. Cultivate positive thoughts as frequently as possible. Whatever you’re feeling right now is a direct consequence of your thinking. If you have wonderful thoughts, you’ll feel wonderful. Thoughts create emotions. Become intentional about the thoughts you have. I like to call it “throwing gas onto the positivity fire”. As this fire grows, so does your enjoyment of life.
3. Don’t worry about figuring out how you’ll make it the best day ever, just have faith it will happen. Then, be pleasantly surprised as the “how” figures itself out for you. When you have an idea of how you want to feel on your best day ever, and you visualize it and create those feelings in your body, you’ve already started the process. Then, when you combine that with increased positive thinking, you’re really on your way. If you do these two things, you don’t need to worry about “how” you’ll make today wonderful. Opportunities to make today the best day will be presented to you, and it’s your job to spot them and accept them with grace.
Here’s to making today what my friend Brett Hughes likes to call “Another Best Day”!

#48 - How to Home Your Winner’s Mindset

How to Hone Your Winner’s Mindset

The biggest difference between people who consistently win and people who don’t comes down to one thing:


Highly successful people, regardless of the field they work in, have a winners mindset.

What is a winner’s mindset?

A winners mindset is the collection of beliefs and thoughts that drive an individual to BELIEVE they will achieve their goal.

The biggest difference between people who consistently achieve their goals, versus people who don’t, is a deep belief that they will actually achieve their goals.

Most people, on the other hand, don’t have a winner’s mindset. What this means is that while they set goals, deep down they don’t actually believe they will achieve their goal.

Back when I was playing Division 3 college lacrosse, I didn’t have a strong winner’s mind state. At the time I had no idea what a winner’s mind state was. 

I was a starting midfielder, and had great skills, but oftentimes in big moments, when the game was on the line, I would play below my potential and make errors.

This is because at my deepest core, without realizing it, I didn’t believe that I was a player who could make the big plays in the big games.

When I did make those big plays, it felt like luck.

Deep down, I was blocking myself from achieving my potential with this mind state.

And if you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you’re blocking yourself right now too. Almost all of us are, myself included even after working on mind state for 7 years.

Nowadays, my belief system looks far different than it did 7 years ago. I am creating my own beliefs, as opposed to living with all subconscious beliefs.

And you too can do this if you want! Here’s how to do it in 3 steps:

  1. Uncover your subconscious beliefs: begin to watch your mind to see what beliefs might be driving your life. Do you believe that you won’t ever fall in love? That you aren’t worthy of an executive role? That you could never start a successful business on your own? The key is to start identifying your beliefs. Once you identify them, you can shift them.
  2. Decide the beliefs you want to have: this is the fun part. You get to create your own beliefs! You get to decide the person you see yourself as. You visualize yourself as this person (various meditation techniques can make this exercise exponentially more powerful and that’s what I do with my coaching clients). You must think about your beliefs as often as you can, literally every day, if you want to build a new belief system.
  3. Take consistent action that align with your new belief system: it’s not enough to just think about the beliefs you have about yourself or the person you want to become. You have to actually take action that aligns with your new beliefs. If you’re working on developing a belief that you can succeed as an entrepreneur, you need to actually start taking steps, even if they’re baby steps, to start acting in line with that value.

Your beliefs about yourself will make or break you. So work on the winner’s mindset!



#47 - Do it for Yourself AND Others

Nobody ever said change was easy.

Matter of fact, making changes in your life can be a real challenge.

If you want change to happen, one key factor that will help you enormously is to get crystal clear on why you want to change.

For example, rather than just thinking about how you want to change to become a more present person, think about why you want to become a more present person.

If you’re trying to make a change, I invite you to consider 3 questions.

1) What is your motivation to change?

2) Why is this change good for you?

3) How will this change benefit others? 

This third question, which focuses on others, is often overlooked. The funny thing is, this can be the most powerful of all!

Positive change doesn’t just benefit your life; it benefits the lives of all the people around you.

Don’t just do it for yourself. Do it for others, too!



#46 - The Mind Watcher

People love to watch things.

Social media videos, Netflix, Movies, the list goes on.

Despite all this watching people are doing, few people are watching the most important thing of all: their mind!

The mind creates reality, and your thoughts determine how successful you will become.

Your thoughts determine the impact you will have on this world and the people around you.

If you want to build a brain that leads you to massive success, it’s helpful to start by understanding how your brain works.

Chip Tip: Start this process by becoming the observer of your thoughts

Somebody who understands this idea is Dr. Dre, one of Hip-Hop’s most respected producers of all time.

In his song, “The Watcher” he talks about how he watches people in the hip-hop industry rise and fall while he just “sits back and enjoys the show”.

This is the approach you can take with your minds if you want to build highly successful brains.

First, become the watcher.

Once you do that, you’ll grow to understand what your thoughts are like most days and what your beliefs about yourself are. From there, you can begin to change the direction of your thoughts and literally create a new version of what you believe yourself to be capable of accomplishing.

Changing your beliefs is a key component to becoming successful. You can say to yourself all the things you want, but if you don’t believe deeeeep down you can truly achieve your dreams, you will block yourself from reaching them.

So the first step, then, is to change your core beliefs to believe that you CAN do it!

It sounds easy, but trust me, it takes a lot of work to uncover your subconscious beliefs and systematically re-wire them.

For me, though, it’s the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done for myself.

Through this process, you can become the person you truly want to be. The person who has the dream career, love live, family, WHATEVER!

It all starts with the mind. Time to get to work!



#45 - Different Friends 4 Different Occasions

Wouldn’t it be nice to have the perfect friend, who was perfectly aligned with you on every level?

You and this person would connect on every one of your values (spiritually, interests, professionally, etc).
Most times, however, this is not the case.
And when it’s not, it’s easy to notice the aspects about someone that you aren’t aligned on.
In short, it’s easy to focus on the differences you have with people.
Rather than focus on the differences, what if you focused on the commonalities?
Then you could bond with people over the things you share, and you wouldn’t feel that disconnection that comes from noticing the things you don’t share.
In this, it’s good to know what you share with each of your friends.

You can have your spiritual friends with whom you share spiritual conversations, your fun friends who you party with, your intellectual friends who push you to get smarter, etc.
That way, you can celebrate each person for the person they are, without wanting to change them to be the perfect fit with you on every level.
We’re all wired differently, and that makes it very hard to find someone who’s just like you. Most of your relationships will be with people who are very different from you!
Don’t worry about the differences. Focus on the similarities.
And if you can’t think of any similarities, remember that we’re all human (with the potential exception of Elon Musk who may well be an alien). We’re all breathing and we all want to be happy.
Let’s celebrate that.